FARKE NEWS – KRAFTY SWOOP?

25/05/18

In the first of several summer ACN 'exclusives', freelance journalist Andrew Woods reveals City's latest marquee signings. We think they're sure to prove a kosmische hit with the City faithful....

Norwich City boss Daniel Farke was all smiles today as he unveiled four more imports from Germany.

Critically-lauded pioneers of electronic music Kraftwerk, have joined Norwich City on a season-long contract, having impressed in trials at Colney. "Finally, some Germans you might have heard of" Farke joked to the press.

Seen as a ready-made back four, the 'krautrock' synth legends will join the Canaries ahead of its pre-season tour of their homeland. Responding to criticisms of the relative inexperience of some of his Tutonic signings, Farke was pleased to get the veteran composers of Autobahn, Pocket Calculator and Kometenmelodie 2 - to put pen to paper.

With a combined age of 240, Ralf, Falk, Fritz and Henning arrive as a robust defensive line, with Farke keen to deploy Ralf and Fritz as possible wingbacks.

Ralf H"utter is the only original member of the band that revolutionised modern music in the late sixties and early seventies with its futuristic soundscapes performed on mainframe computers and home-made modulators and synths and the ball-playing full-back was apparently courting the interest of Ross County and Motherwell when Farke swooped.

H"utter and the other three had been training with Brian Eno's Dagenham & Redbridge - having been released after 35 years by Dusseldorf Town - when news of their availability filtered east. "I told the gaffer, that we came as a package and he was fine with that," H"utter told a packed press conference at Carrow Road. "Now, we just can't wait to get out there to get Norwich straight back into the biggest show on earth."

Centre half Falk Grieffenhagen, who only communicates through a voice modulator, told The Pink 'Un: "The facilitiesare second to none and there's a great bunch of lads here..." adding, "404 not found." The quartet have already found lodgings in nearby Bracondale.

Farke apparently had his head turned by the experimental band after missing out on German metal legends The Scorpions who signed a three-year deal with Rangers. "Let's hope they can turn some of the artistry they put into producing such classic electronica as Man Machine and Elektro Kardiogramm into clean sheets away at Stoke." he added.

Kraftwerk bring the total number of German imports entering Carrow Road this summer to six, following Farke's acquisition of a five-year-old Audi estate and a second-hand tumble dryer by Bosch.


Andrew Woods is a freelance journalist/author who has written for The Guardian, Daily Telegraph, When Saturday Comes and FourFourTwo. So he must know what he's talking about, right? He tweets @andrewjwoods

Also......while you're here, did you know we have a podcast? It's available via iTunes and Soundcloud. Alternatively you can just listen to it in your browser via our podcast page. Proud Canaries' Nick O'Brien was the latest guest in our studio to hand out ACN's end of season awards.

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For the final time this season, Punt, Lawn and Parsley get round a table to disagree about Norwich City. This week they are joined by Nick O'Brien, founder member of the Proud Canaries. They dish out the ACN end of season awards, take your questions and round off with the usual quiz.

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